“Forever You will stand, Your Kingdom has no end. Oh Holy God, I stay amazed, You are so much more than words could ever say, Oh Holy God I pour out my praise on the one who never ceases to amaze me.”
Grasping with a death grip on my dads hand and the other holding a beautiful bouquet, I ran my thumb over the sweetest face; Allen’s picture was tied to my bouquet.... I'm still speechless when I think back on that moment. Looking down at his picture, brought so many emotions. As my intro and cue to go in, came, the tears wouldn’t stop. The journey I had been through to get to this point had been so hard. It wasn’t the fairy tale I had known before. No, this time I realized life happens and it doesn’t follow our plans. No one ask our permission before the really hard times hit, they just hit. In the middle of all of this I also realized just how fragile, short and valuable our lives are. I realize more than ever how important it is to show people we love them and never take one single phone call, conversation, kiss or hug for granted.
Blake is so special and valuable to me. I realize what an absolute true gift from God he honestly is. I was blessed with such a special marriage before. I knew God had blessed me with that gift but it was almost like I did not realize just how special it was until it was taken from me. Sad that’s how life works. I can remember so many nights I would just lay awake,alone and pray God would direct my life. I honestly never thought I would love again and if I did I thought it would just be almost like a replacement that would never be the same. I soon realized and knew I would not be happy with that and if God ever wanted me with someone then they would have to be so special and different that I could never compare. I also realized that when Blake walked into my life it was unlike anything I could explain. God put the interest, the love and the relationship we had into motion. I learned that when I fell in love with Blake that my past did not hurt or hinder our relationship but the journey and road I had been traveling is what made it all so special.
The love I had been given before was such a blessing; I now know what it is like to lose that gift and that someone to be with; someone to share inside jokes, silly laughs and countless stories with. More than anything I realize how very rare that relationship and love is. When God sent Blake my way I had grown up quick and had learned much more than I would have ever liked to have learned at such a young age. After going through everything with Justin and Allen I now am able to see the blessings more clearly that God places in our paths. No, what Blake and I have is not a fairy tale but even more, it is a real life love story. One with heart ache, awkward silent times, and feelings that sometimes have no explanation and can’t be described. We do not have sappy love songs playing in the back ground and we do not always wear the coolest clothes, have the best breath or say the perfect lines. But our love story is filled with gratitude, and true love that loves through the hurt and loves when it would be much easier to walk away and get out. It’s the kind of love that says “hey life stinks sometimes but we are in it together”. I can remember so vividly earlier this past fall, a couple months after we moved to Enterprise. I was sick, at this point neither one of my eyes would really open and I’m sure I physically looked nothing like the girl Blake thought he fell in love with. My attitude had started to get cranky because I was sick of being sick. I was trying a new diet and was determined to stick it out, in the mean time I was getting mean without all my good food! I was upset and worn out from worrying about my health. Slamming cabinets in our little kitchenette, I start fussing because I could not eat anything we had and I was starving! I look at Blake like a crazy person and start yelling about how hungry I am and how I just want meat and bread and real food! Then before I know it, I’m crying because I’m yelling at him. I’m so upset about whats going on with my body and I just keep telling him “I’m sorry because I’m sick and I’m taking it out on you”. Blake looks at me, hugs me and says “Hey, don’t apologize, you have nothing to be sorry for, we are in this together. I love you and I’m not going anywhere, go sit down and let me cook you something you can eat” He will probably never know how much that meant to me. It’s easy to forget 2 become 1 in marriage but Blake understood it. Those are the moments I remember now. The times that I know it would be so hard to make it without my sweet husband. God is always there but I firmly believe He also sends us people to love us and care for us in the physical and I’m so thankful for that gift. .
As I do my best to dry my tears, I let them know I am ready to go. The doors open and my dad and I begin our journey. The large beautiful cross we placed in front of the church was a symbol of the greatest love ever known. Blake and I left our marriage at the foot of the cross, in Gods hands that day. As we read our own vows and the first kiss was given, a new chapter began...
I remember thinking I will be able to breathe if we can just make it to 3 months, (before I was only given 2 1/2 months), 3 months came and went so fast. Then 4,5,6 months and now a year later, I still say “I will be able to breathe once we make it through...” Of course I had to marry military but I have realized when we put our faith in Him our lives are in Gods hands no matter our location or career. As I now must face the thought of a year long deployment, starting a family, health ect... I have to hold on to that. The challenges will always be there, some we see coming, some hit us in our blind spot but however they come, whenever they come, we serve an amazing God; who may not be seen, who is sometimes hard to hear and who usually never operates by our plan but I promise He is real, He is there and He will see us through in some way.
So to my sweet Blake on this one year month, THANK YOU for everything. Thank you for allowing God to use you to teach me how to love and live. Thank you for helping me believe He still loves me and has a plan for my life. Thank you for loving me, working hard to provide and for being the spiritual leader of our home. Thank you for treating me like a queen all the time!=) Lastly, thank you for being patient as I have learned to be a wife and submit. I know it is not easy to eat nasty, burnt food or wear red clothes that are suppose to be white but that's what marriage is all about! haha! I'm still in training! LOVE You more than you will ever know! You are so amazing and you bring so much joy to my life!
God Bless,
Leslie
Leslie
