Today I am celebrating a very important day in my life. A day that I knew was special but never would have guessed just how special. Today in 2008 I made the second most important decision in my life! I said "Yes" to more than a dress. I said "yes", to a life of unknowns and a future beyond my thoughts. I said "yes" to ups and downs, tears and giggles. I said "yes" to a man that I will love forever and who had a heart of gold. Most importantly I said "yes", to my Lord, that I would trust Him alone with our marriage and that I would follow Him no matter the mountains or the valleys, no matter rain or shine.. Yes I made a vow for better or for worse...
While I had been a Christian for much of my life, my faith had never been put to the test. So on March 15, 2008 I took my first leap of faith with my best friend. Little did I know I had a lot more than a test headed my way. Honestly sometimes when I think about Justin and I getting married I picture us in Hawaii jumping off of rocks into the beautiful calm ocean, laughing like kids and just having a blast being together and being in love... Things are calm, the sun is shining and the water is beautiful for a while, then with no warning, out of nowhere a lightning storm comes in and a huge wave crashes over us, messing with our moment and messing with our story, pulling us under and leaving me on the rocks to dry out, alone. While this may seem like a strange vision to some, It's simply how I feel; 2 1/2 months is a blink and that is how fast life comes and things happen. It appears just long enough to have beautiful sweet moments and just long enough to break hearts. Now if the story ended there, with me on the rocks what kind of story would that be? Thankfully, we serve a God who never lets a story end with out some ray of hope and a raft to get back to shore. Yes, He throws a little more faith our way. Even when we are at our lowest, He whispers words to our heart and helps us believe things can always be better. I have to say sometimes (many times) it's not always easy to believe things can get better, but when the faith kicks in God starts doing His part... I would venture to say He starts doing His part with or without our faith, we just can't see it.
So today I think back on a day of joy, happiness, laughter and beauty. A day that I will never take for granted or regret. Some may ask if you knew it was going to go like that would you do it all over again, and once again I would say "Yes"even with the heart break and even with the disappointments. I try to put into words the way Justin was sometimes and you just have to know him to understand him. The lessons and things I learned during our 4 years together and 2 1/2 months of marriage where priceless.I saw what being an amazing friend really meant. I think back and still wonder how we managed to see so many people when we were home on the weekends. If he got a call in the middle of the night, he was never upset, he was honored to talk to his friends and I loved that. Most importantly I watched as God transformed his life and his entire being, from a fun, teenage boyfriend into a loving, God fearing husband. Beautiful, beautiful.... and now I can only imagine what he and Allen look like as they live in the presence of our Almighty Savior. To think he could transform us way down here on earth, I can't imagine what beauty looks like in the presence of the one true God...
Fast forward about 4 months... burning up, windows down, I was on a bumpy bus ride in Costa Rica headed to help wherever I was needed. I was lost and looking for answers, searching the only thing I knew to search, our road map of life, the Bible. I was convinced if I could just think like Jesus a little more, if I could just learn to have His heart a little more, then maybe I would make it, maybe I would "hear" not just feel one verse of hope.. If you have ever been through anything similar you know that when your in the middle of hard times and your heart is broken, sometimes you just don't see, think or listen like you should. I firmly believe He still speaks during those times but I also believe that our obstacles can obstruct our view along with our ability to listen. So on a quest to read every chapter in mine and Justin's Bible that he had checked off (we had a daily Walk Bible my uncle Kevin had given us and it had a box you could check once you had read that day, I was reading everything he checked first). This day I was reading 1 Timothy. When I came to chapter 5, I began to see instructions for widows, and then I came to verse "5. The widow who is really in need and left all alone puts her hope in God and continues night and day to pray and to ask God for help." Had I been praying, Yes, but I so desperately needed that encouragement and that word from the Lord. I needed to hear and listen to Him say "Continue, don't stop, keep praying and keep putting your hope in me". Remember our relationship with the Lord is similar to any relationship; Who likes to keep talking if, no one is listening? So to read this scripture was like God said "Here is your raft Leslie, hold on to it because I'm pulling you out, it may not be easy and your going to get tierd but don't give up". I believe God has already done His part and now it is our job to listen first. We have to hear that knock on the door of our heart, and not just hear it but sincerely listen to God speak.. Just because I "hear" the TV going, does not mean I am always listening.. so we have to listen with our hearts and then we have to follow His instructions, get in His word and allow Him time to speak....
So as most of my post go, I write things I need to "listen" to as well. =) With life so busy, this is a daily struggle. So on a day that brings back so much joy and that I said "Yes" to; I pray that you will say "Yes" to God as well and that you will allow Him to speak to your heart and trust that through those waves that crash down on us, there is a life boat and there are sunny days ahead, just keep holding on to the raft called faith. We can never figure life out and most times it does not go as we think it should. My life is much different than I envisioned it would be 5 years ago. I don't have a house full of kids, I am on a new journey and adventure that I never would have pictured myself on and yet I am still excited about the future. God has once more blessed me with an amazing husband, Blake, who I love so very much! I still trust my Lord and Savior with my life, I have just learned that He knows the plans for my life, I don't, so I should follow and let Him lead me... life is a lot better with "The Light" guiding your path!
1 Timothy 6:12 -16
Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses. In the sight of God, who gives life to everything, and of Christ Jesus, who while testifying before Pontius Pilate made the good confession, I charge you to keep this command without spot or blame until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ, which God will bring about in his own time. God, the blessed and only Ruler, the King of kings and Lord or lords, who alone is immortal and who lives in unapproachable light, whom no one has seen or can see. To him be honor and might forever. Amen.
With love,
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