#5 And The Goal of a Lifetime

         I woke up this morning and  honestly wanted to pretend today was just another day. Everyday is just simply "a day"(so I try to tell myself), everyday we miss our loved ones and everyday is full of it's own ups and downs. I was in Birmingham this morning getting dressed to spend the day on the road heading back home with my mom and we were planning to "shop our way home", Which I guess you could say we did except the only thing we bought today was good food =)..
          You see even if I would like to pretend today was just another day, I could never do that. Every minute, every detail, every close call brings back a tiny and yet very familiar moment from that day or lifetime. Blake was watching some old movie this morning and I wasn't paying attention at all when a lady on the show says "didn't you know he died tragically in an accident 5 years ago?"! Well hello and good morning to you too, I thought! It was so strange to me I never even said a word to Blake about it because I thought I was hearing things.. But then the lady said it again.. I continued getting dressed knowing today was not just "another day". We continued on our way, I was so excited to get to speak with Mr. Chris and Mrs Kim in Singapore. Not long later my mom and I were in a furniture store and Carrie Underwood's song "Temporary Home" was playing...   Now, I'm not a crazy person and these little things I'm well aware most likely happen every day but I'm not always paying attention. There's an edge, a pit in the bottom of my stomach when I really think past the facts, when I think about the moments and the last.....
         

          When such an event takes place you replay every moment leading up and every moment of the day. I think back a year before May 30th and what was going on that week; Justin and I got engaged May 26th 2007 to be exact on Romar beach. It was a beautiful moment and such a happy time. I would have never thought a year later I would be saying bye for the last time here on earth.. You see I was in class at Auburn and Justin was working, we had memorial day weekend and I had to be back at class Tuesday morning at 8am. I was silly about dates and wanted to see Justin on our "Engagement Anniversary" so I stayed the night in Mobile and gave Justin my last and final hug and kiss at 4am Tuesday morning. Ill never forget, half asleep he got out of bed and walked me to the door; I didn't want to go and he didn't want me to go.. looking back I'm so, so thankful for this moment. I'm thankful I stayed that last night even knowing how much homework and other things I could have been doing. Nothing was more important than that time I had with him. I could make a bad grade up or deal with being exhausted, but time with my spouse is something I learned can never wait. Marriages are sent by God and after God they are and should be the most important aspect and focus of our lives. I see people all the time and many of my friends put so much of their time, energy and focus on so many other things other than their spouse and it breaks my heart (while the same time it honestly makes me furious)  because knowing first hand how valuable each moment, each breath and each memory is has allowed me to understand the reality of not being able to get time back or moments missed. I can regret many things and many times I even kicked myself for going back to school that week at all but I know and understand life is life and we still have things to take care of and responsibilities; however, it is also important to take care of the most important things, and that should be your relationship with God and if your married then your spouse and then if you have kids, your kids. Yes, it is that simple. 
              Fast forward 5 years, May 26, 2013.. It's a beautiful day, Jessica (my sis in law/best friend) and I are soaking up some vitamin D with our toes in the sand while our husbands are out fishing. We head back to the house to meet them and I stop in mid stride for a second to watch on the pier as they sit, talk and laugh.. the sun is going down and it's just one of those God moments. Yes, I am watching James (Jessica's husband) and Blake hang out like life long best friends.Two young men  who would most likely never have crossed are hanging out on my parents  pier, have been adopted into our family as much as anyone could be without paperwork and have something very unique in common. They each married a girl, not with a crazy ex-boyfriend or ex-husband who they hate,but they married a girl with an amazing husband who she will forever love and who they have grown to love as well. Sound crazy? Well the beauty in this is the fact that Blake and James both realize and love us for us. They are confident in our love for them and allow us to hold on to cherished memories. They respect and are appreciative of  the men who cared and loved us before them . We are who we are first of all because of our Lord and parents but also because Justin and Allen were such amazing men and set the standard. They each taught us so much and God used them to mold us into who we are. They showed us how we were to be treated and let us know that we should expect nothing less. Our life experiences have naturally changed us to a degree, we are the same silly girls but possibly with a different view of this life than we had before. I can honestly say Jessica and I have been together and experienced the best days of our lives together and we have experienced the worst days of our lives together. Thankfully we each have had another great day in our lives (the days we remarried) and again we were there for each other on both of those days. I feel so blessed that God has held us together and allowed us to form such a sweet and special friendship. 
           I have always thought of my handsome, stud of a brother =) when I have heard the #5. Allen had that number in football and baseball for a long time and he wore it proudly. He wore it with his blood,sweat and tears. With his heart and emotions on the line and leaving everything he had on the field. He was an athlete unlike anyone I have every known or seen. He was talent to the max. God gifted him with more than looks, athletic ability and personality but he also gifted Allen with an amazing heart and love for people. I miss him so much.. so many days when something exciting happens he is still one of the first people I want to call and tell. I often think about the future and if I am ever able to have a baby how I wish so badly I could call and tell him... and then reality sets in and I feel like I'm losing my mind; God then assures me that Allen and Justin will most likely know before I will.=)  
       So to the past 5 years and the next 5, 50 or 500 years I pray that God will allow me to walk or run them, fight them, and win them proudly; just like Allen carried and wore the #5 so proudly. While he had many, many amazing moments and plays; he had mess ups, fumbles, and bad calls too; however,  he never gave in,he never made excuses and he never stopped pushing for his goal, for his win! He and Justin both scored the goal of a lifetime! Their victory was ugly from my side but to them, to God and to all of us one day when we get to see and maybe watch the "plays" over again; we will see every play, every pass and every step, run and crawl was PERFECT. I can only see the game and hear the bad calls from the stands at eye level but God can see it all from the best view around. I pray I keep Jesus "head coach"and that I look to him for which plays to run and which calls to make.Life is not just a game with points and either you get a trophy and bragging rights or you don't. No, with life the outcome is to be taken serious, it is either Heaven or Hell. Beauty and the sweet yet powerful presence with our Heavenly Father or fire with no end, no break and no way out with the demonic spirits that taunt us.

          I am so thankful Heaven was Allen and Justin's outcome and home now and will be mine as well. Without that hope and promise, each day would be basically impossible to get through. I will love and miss them forever but I know this is not the end and I pray that for each person that may stumble across this post that this will not be the end for you either. I pray that you join our team and win the victory of knowing Jesus Christ as your father and Lord. 
        To all of the amazing prayer warriors and sweet friends and family, Thank you so much for all you have done these last 5 years. Our families could not have made it through had you not all allowed God to use you to touch our hearts and offer comfort through such hard days. We love you all and are blessed beyond words to have so many great, supportive and uplifting people in our lives!

                                           

Love, 
Leslie