September 11, 2015

        As I type this, it is long over due... I have yet to write very much about my pregnancy journey as it has all been a bit overwhelming to say the least. Feelings and emotions, fear and excitement, all bundled up into one bump that is growing me out of even my largest clothes! The love I have experienced even without our little guy breathing his first breath of real air, has been something I will never be able to put into words. I have always wanted children, but if I were honest there have been times in my life I doubted God would allow such a blessing. He allowed some not so traditional things to happen in my life that left me wondering how it could possibly still be part of His plan.I was never worried though as adoption has been in my heart since the first time I hugged a sweet child in Guatemala when I was 15 years old. The desire to love and adopt other children as my own is a desire I pray never changes. I feel God has adopted me into a family I do not belong and loves me regardless; therefore the least I can do is try my best to mimic that love and acceptance.

           Having said all of that I have such a gratitude that God in His greatness has allowed me to be the holding and growing home to this precious and yes hyper little boy. On this journey I have experienced so many things. I have laughed more than I have in years and also cried more than I have in years. I honestly hate to blame it all on hormones as God has revealed a side of myself, to myself that I never knew was there and for this I am thankful. I have thought through things I never had really thought about and I have had such a deep empathy for people that I don't believe was even there before. Thinking of  bringing a new life into the world is something I don't want anyone who may have contributed to me or Blake to miss! I wonder what my grandmother would think and what characteristics he may have of hers, I wonder if he will have the sweetness of my grandfathers or the silliness and big heart of his uncle Allen. What will he take from his grandparents? Will he have Blake's features or mine? Will he grow up to do well in school or sports or maybe music? Will we do a good job teaching him to treat girls like ladies or the "church" as Christ says?And will he learn to love The Lord with all of his heart even when the world goes against him? And so for the next 6ish weeks,God teaches me patients.. As not one single question can be answered at this time except that I know his heart beat is good, he has hair and he is a boy... Pretty simple..

            In all of my questions I do wonder when will the week be that he makes his first appearance? When will the day and hour be that we will forever get to celebrate his "birthday"? The excitement is unnerving as I'm frantically running around trying to prepare for his big surprise and then last week for this first time something hit me. My mom and dad were expecting their first born son this time 32 years ago, my mom was about a month ahead of me but she was experiencing many of my same emotions and feelings. Yesterday was the last day that my mom and dad would be a family of 2. For the first time I feel like God gave me a very small glimpse into what my parents may possibly feel like.. A day that you pray for, wait for and hope for, for much of your life finally comes to pass with fears and excitement and smiles and tears all brought together in one day and moment... And for my parents that date was September 11th.  

            As I wait and enjoy every roll, kick, healthy heart beat and yes pound, I can't help but to think about how my mom and dad experienced these same moments with my brother.. I could go on about other things God is teaching me and yes humbling me about through this pregnancy but this was something I felt I should share...and while I know my parents question so many things as I do, I can't help but think how one of my most important questions for Asher has been answered already for them for Allen. Who he looks like, what talents he will take on, what school will he choose, ect are all normal things to wonder, but the one question that outweighs them all, is will he grow to love The Lord ? Will we teach Him the best we can about the overwhelming and beautiful characteristics of God. Will he grow  to learn that God  is to be feared but also a God to love and that loves him even when He feels alone in this world. Will we still, through our sin nature, strive and do our best to  portray and live in the likeness of Christ, In secret and in front of our families and children?... And to all of these,  I can say with confidence that my parents did. I never question Allen's love for The Lord and I know he has made eternity his final destination. My parents did an amazing job  and if I can ever get just a tiny touch of their parenting gifts I will forever be grateful!

           I know there are so many thoughts floating around today as it is September 11th, the day our country began a new journey as well, and still my heart breaks for families who reflect back on today and on their lost loved ones, my heart breaks for the individuals that may not have the peace to know if they will see them again. The person who passed may not have had a relationship with The Lord or the person who is still living on earth may have a lack of understanding about the greatness of Jesus Christ... and for them it is not too late.
        I encourage you to guide and strive after that one question, to help your children and families make The Lord not just an item to be checked off on Sundays but a sincere life or death priority..
        And to my awesome brother I know you are having an amazing time and birthday and I hope little Allen Asher grows to have so many of his Uncle Allen's amazing characteristics!

Love always,
 L 

The Beginnings of the Middle Miles.....

         There are some things I'll never understand why we have to "experience " in life. I will never fully understand how Gods mind works , I'll never understand His thought process, His testing , His ways .(of course bc they are higher than ours.) But with all of the things I do not understand, there are some truths that are easily understood. 
       I know the Lord has allowed me to be broken so that he could mend me. He has allowed me to be lonely so that I would see He was all that I needed; He has made me reach deep in my heart and soul to find all the faith I could find and revealed to me that it would be enough. He has given me times of hardship and war so that I could feel His grace & peace cover me . He has allowed me to see darkness so that I knew there was light, and He has allowed me to see hatred so that I could understand love. 
       The Lord has shown me first hand how little of the great big picture I can see. He has humbled me in more ways than one and taught me to try to see life through others eyes and when I get lucky He gives me a glimpse of what He sees through His eyes.Through every bit of this I have grown to appreciate every detail that makes up the beautiful characteristics of who Christ is. I have learned He is enough. He protects , He loves, He is in control and is a constant teacher. These things which I have learned through life's many ups and downs, I could never have fully understood had I simply read them in scripture; but when the word comes alive in my life and God shows up and give me hands on learning experiences ; that is something we never forget. Some things can't be taught in a classroom with a book and notepad; Some thing's must be lived. Our faith has to be tested for us to understand that it's real; we have to see that we are in a war to know that we need protection & saving. And we must be reminded of who we are fighting this life for in order to know who to trust. So on days there seems to be no answers, no guidance , no protection, and our faith is lacking ... Hold on! On days like today when my understanding is lacking and my heart is broken, I trust that this will be a time God teaches and mends. When my faith is weak and fear steps in, I pray that He is my strength & reminds my "better half" and I to "fear not , for He is with" us. No matter the distance or the circumstances; no matter the Miles in the Middle; He is Lord of all & distance is nothing to Him...time is nothing to Him and at the end of it all I may not understand but I choose faith. We are told the road is narrow and this life will have trouble, so when the road is narrow, rocky and straight up hard, God will take our hand and carry us through. He will be our lifeline back to our foundation,  He will give us faith & He will simply be the sanity we need sometimes :-)

Happy Thursday!  or almost Thursday..
"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid" -John 14:27

Love, 
L

When We Learn Gentleness is Not Weakness and Instruction is Not Judgment

I wrote this literally a few months ago and saved it in my drafts and haven't published it until now. I journal on my blog a lot. When I feel God speaks a word to me I try to type it up real quick so I don't forget it... sadly a lot of times I do and I will go back later like I did with this and need what God spoke to me months ago, all over again! Silly humans, we are so hard headed & have selective memory! When I wrote this, I had something completely different on my mind, but now with so much going on with all of the "hate speech", political correctness and even the Phil Robertson ordeal, it seems like it may not be a bad time to put it out there. This was not and is not a post on political correctness or who should have said what, however I will say, I support scripture when it is spoken in context. But this was just a different twist on how to give or take certain things as believers.   


     I just wanted to focus in on something I have prayed about for a while now. It is something I think all Christians deal with and something I think we all have felt someone has done to us or we have done to others and in most cases if we tell the truth, both of these would apply. What I am talking about is the term “corrective criticism”  or referred to from some as “being judgmental”. So which is it? This one is a very hard subject to me so lets look at what scripture has to say...

 Matthew 7:1-29

Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce, you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that's in your brother’s eye, but not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother “let me take the speck out of your eye,” when there is a log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

John 8:7 

And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, “Let him who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her”

 2 Timothy 2:24-26

And the Lord’s servants must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will. 

Galatians 6:1 

Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.

Proverbs 24: 23-25
These also are sayings of the wise. Partiality in judging is not good. Whoever says to the wicked, "You are in the right," will be cursed by peoples, abhorred by nations, but those who rebuke the wicked will have delight, and a good blessing will come upon them.

Proverbs 28:23
Whoever rebukes a man will afterward find more favor than he who flatters with his tongue.

     Having read through these scriptures it can be challenging to clarify what we are to do as believers. One of my favorite books of the Bible is Psalms. I love the story of David! Although he hurts my heart with his selfishness, I am always reminded of Gods mercy and grace as he still calls David the "apple of His eye". Davids heart was amazing and one who I honestly believed loved God with everything in him. I think my love for this book is mostly because it is so real; he seems so down to earth and genuine. I love how David pours out his heart so many times and puts everything out on the table; after all, we never hide anything from our heavenly father anyways. Lets take a minute to glance at what David says..

Psalm 141

O Lord, I am calling to you. Please hurry! Listen when I cry to you for help!

Accept my prayer as incense offered to you, and my upraised hands as an evening offering.

Take control of what I say, O Lord, and guard my lips. Don’t let me share in the delicacies of those who do wrong. 

Let the godly strike me! It will be a kindness! If they correct me, it is soothing medicine. Don’t let me refuse it.

But I pray constantly against the wicked and their deeds. When their leaders are thrown down from the cliff the wicked will listen to my words and find them true. Like rocks brought up by a plow, the bones of the wicked will lie scattered without burial. I look to you for help, O Sovereign Lord. You are my refuge; don’t let them kill me.

Keep me from the traps they have set for me, from the snares of those who do wrong. Let the wicked fall into their own nets, but let me escape.

      When I read this chapter it really hit home with me. I have prayed for so long now that the Lord will help me see my sin as sin and if I don’t that somehow, it would be brought to my attention because I never want something in my life to come between my relationship with God and I also never want to cause anyone else to stumble, and through our selfish desires we do many times. There was only one who walked this earth that was perfect and that was Jesus.  We are not and never will be what he is and was; however, our goal should be to follow His lead and to walk the best walk with him possible. 

            I think back on my days in middle school and high school. I played sports all of my life and loved every minute of it! I was yelled at, a lot, and learned to take it very well. Sometimes it hurt my feelings because my coach was loud, really loud! He did not always seem to use “Corrective Criticism” or as some would feel “he was judging how I shot the ball or ran a play or how I just simply screwed my game up”, but he did not always tell me like I would have liked him to. Sometimes he showed tough love, sometimes it was straight up embarrassing and sometimes the truth hurt; but do you know when I graduated from high school I was a part of 10 state championship teams! You see, had he not been honest, had he not corrected me when I messed up, had he not instilled the fear of running me to death in my brain, I would have never gotten better, I would have been satisfied with just being okay instead of striving for greatness! I love sports and the lessons I learned from being part of a team and having someone push me to my limits every day. I just think it helped me tremendously with learning how to deal with so many things in the real world. God showed me how to take criticism, learn from it, grow from it, and transform it from "criticism" to now "motivation". 

          Speaking of this particular subject of correction, criticism, judgment whatever you choose to call it, I have always been skeptical on how to explain it, and then this morning I see it is just like so many other things, It is a heart issue! As Christians we have to pray like David; that when we mess up or do something completely dumb, (which we will) that we do not get angry and call someone judgmental  when they confront us. We should be thankful they are telling us and as David said “it will be like soothing medicine”. We all know medicine does not always taste good but the end result is we usually get better if we take it like we should and if our body is willing to let the medicine do its work. As believers we must also pray that we speak in gentleness and love, once we get the log out of our eye and are ready to lend a helping hand with the speck. Sometimes this is hard to do, why? because we are human! We don’t always say things like we should or act like we should or have the right words or even sometimes have the right heart behind our words.... So where is the middle ground?

          I have spoke when I should have been silent and I have been silent when I should have spoke. I have personally watched at certain times when I have spoke and it has not been received with the heart and love that I know was in my heart. On the other hand I have watched and been silent when I should have spoke and helped a person who may not have seen their own speck as the log it was. I have literally watched as it has ruined families and marriages.. So what are we to do? Where is our place as Christians who want to help our team of believers to not just be “okay and maybe make Heaven” but to help them be “GREAT and win by a long shot!”  Well the simple answer is, I have no answer. I think this is a problem our culture, our world has created and that has obviously been around for a long time seeing as God talks about it so much in His word. He knew these things would arise. I will say this, that God expects us to give our best for him, to be the best we can be as a believer. When we gave our hearts to God he never intended for us to use him for fire insurance, no, He desires more, He desire to have a one on one relationship with us. He expects us to get in His word and study as much as we can to discover all that we can about him. 

       How much time do we waste studying the life of people we never talk to on fb, instagram and twitter and we never pick up the Bible to study our Lord or “stalk Him” and His history, what comments has He made; what does He have to say about our lives.. or what does He think when He checks out what pictures we post and comments we post. Do they look like someone who is sold out for Him and trying to be “great” in Gods eyes? or do they look like someone who is trying to be great in mans eyes. Do we say and post things for God, to bring people closer to him? or do we say things for show? We may can fool our families and friends but we can never fool God. He knows our hearts more than we even do.

          So having said all of that ,I pray that as believers we will learn to be gentle but not weak and we will learn to be thankful for people who point out that cliff ahead that we can’t seem to see ourselves. I pray when people say things the wrong way or hurt us with their words that we forgive, because we are all human and all make mistakes. When our last days are here we will all be judged, yes that's rights, It’s like championship of all championships, it’s what we as Christians have worked so hard for. When my parents correct me now, Yes, even as I get older they are still my parents and teach me and let me know real quick when they don’t agree with something; but I take their thoughts and gladly accept them (although they may not think it sometimes lol ) but I’m thankful they are helping coach me and prepare me for the biggest win of a lifetime, Eternity! It is much better to work out the kinks and bad plays before it’s game time and before it’s too late. 

         I hope this somehow made sense as I typed it up real quick. This is an area of my life I have to constantly pray over...and an area that has recently had me questioning a lot. The truth is scripture tells us that “God weighs our heart in his hand”, and that the “beginning of wisdom is to FEAR the Lord”. He also tells us to “work out our own Salvation with FEAR and trembling” so this helps remind me it doesn't matter what people say, good or bad, in love or in hate, I have control of where I spend the rest of my life! I can take instruction, criticism and learn from it or I can use it as a crutch, I choose to learn from it! and I can give instruction in love and gentleness and truth or hate. I choose love, gentleness and truth. I pray everyday God will give me words to speak and the perfect timing to speak them(this takes a lot of work lol) especially in todays times; but at the end of the day I have to pray I have done what God wants and pray He moves in someone's heart and that my words are taken in the love and gentleness I meant for them to be.
      In closing, we simply have to pray and ask for God to renew our mind daily and to direct every single little or huge, step we take and word we speak!


With Love,

Leslie

#5 And The Goal of a Lifetime

         I woke up this morning and  honestly wanted to pretend today was just another day. Everyday is just simply "a day"(so I try to tell myself), everyday we miss our loved ones and everyday is full of it's own ups and downs. I was in Birmingham this morning getting dressed to spend the day on the road heading back home with my mom and we were planning to "shop our way home", Which I guess you could say we did except the only thing we bought today was good food =)..
          You see even if I would like to pretend today was just another day, I could never do that. Every minute, every detail, every close call brings back a tiny and yet very familiar moment from that day or lifetime. Blake was watching some old movie this morning and I wasn't paying attention at all when a lady on the show says "didn't you know he died tragically in an accident 5 years ago?"! Well hello and good morning to you too, I thought! It was so strange to me I never even said a word to Blake about it because I thought I was hearing things.. But then the lady said it again.. I continued getting dressed knowing today was not just "another day". We continued on our way, I was so excited to get to speak with Mr. Chris and Mrs Kim in Singapore. Not long later my mom and I were in a furniture store and Carrie Underwood's song "Temporary Home" was playing...   Now, I'm not a crazy person and these little things I'm well aware most likely happen every day but I'm not always paying attention. There's an edge, a pit in the bottom of my stomach when I really think past the facts, when I think about the moments and the last.....
         

          When such an event takes place you replay every moment leading up and every moment of the day. I think back a year before May 30th and what was going on that week; Justin and I got engaged May 26th 2007 to be exact on Romar beach. It was a beautiful moment and such a happy time. I would have never thought a year later I would be saying bye for the last time here on earth.. You see I was in class at Auburn and Justin was working, we had memorial day weekend and I had to be back at class Tuesday morning at 8am. I was silly about dates and wanted to see Justin on our "Engagement Anniversary" so I stayed the night in Mobile and gave Justin my last and final hug and kiss at 4am Tuesday morning. Ill never forget, half asleep he got out of bed and walked me to the door; I didn't want to go and he didn't want me to go.. looking back I'm so, so thankful for this moment. I'm thankful I stayed that last night even knowing how much homework and other things I could have been doing. Nothing was more important than that time I had with him. I could make a bad grade up or deal with being exhausted, but time with my spouse is something I learned can never wait. Marriages are sent by God and after God they are and should be the most important aspect and focus of our lives. I see people all the time and many of my friends put so much of their time, energy and focus on so many other things other than their spouse and it breaks my heart (while the same time it honestly makes me furious)  because knowing first hand how valuable each moment, each breath and each memory is has allowed me to understand the reality of not being able to get time back or moments missed. I can regret many things and many times I even kicked myself for going back to school that week at all but I know and understand life is life and we still have things to take care of and responsibilities; however, it is also important to take care of the most important things, and that should be your relationship with God and if your married then your spouse and then if you have kids, your kids. Yes, it is that simple. 
              Fast forward 5 years, May 26, 2013.. It's a beautiful day, Jessica (my sis in law/best friend) and I are soaking up some vitamin D with our toes in the sand while our husbands are out fishing. We head back to the house to meet them and I stop in mid stride for a second to watch on the pier as they sit, talk and laugh.. the sun is going down and it's just one of those God moments. Yes, I am watching James (Jessica's husband) and Blake hang out like life long best friends.Two young men  who would most likely never have crossed are hanging out on my parents  pier, have been adopted into our family as much as anyone could be without paperwork and have something very unique in common. They each married a girl, not with a crazy ex-boyfriend or ex-husband who they hate,but they married a girl with an amazing husband who she will forever love and who they have grown to love as well. Sound crazy? Well the beauty in this is the fact that Blake and James both realize and love us for us. They are confident in our love for them and allow us to hold on to cherished memories. They respect and are appreciative of  the men who cared and loved us before them . We are who we are first of all because of our Lord and parents but also because Justin and Allen were such amazing men and set the standard. They each taught us so much and God used them to mold us into who we are. They showed us how we were to be treated and let us know that we should expect nothing less. Our life experiences have naturally changed us to a degree, we are the same silly girls but possibly with a different view of this life than we had before. I can honestly say Jessica and I have been together and experienced the best days of our lives together and we have experienced the worst days of our lives together. Thankfully we each have had another great day in our lives (the days we remarried) and again we were there for each other on both of those days. I feel so blessed that God has held us together and allowed us to form such a sweet and special friendship. 
           I have always thought of my handsome, stud of a brother =) when I have heard the #5. Allen had that number in football and baseball for a long time and he wore it proudly. He wore it with his blood,sweat and tears. With his heart and emotions on the line and leaving everything he had on the field. He was an athlete unlike anyone I have every known or seen. He was talent to the max. God gifted him with more than looks, athletic ability and personality but he also gifted Allen with an amazing heart and love for people. I miss him so much.. so many days when something exciting happens he is still one of the first people I want to call and tell. I often think about the future and if I am ever able to have a baby how I wish so badly I could call and tell him... and then reality sets in and I feel like I'm losing my mind; God then assures me that Allen and Justin will most likely know before I will.=)  
       So to the past 5 years and the next 5, 50 or 500 years I pray that God will allow me to walk or run them, fight them, and win them proudly; just like Allen carried and wore the #5 so proudly. While he had many, many amazing moments and plays; he had mess ups, fumbles, and bad calls too; however,  he never gave in,he never made excuses and he never stopped pushing for his goal, for his win! He and Justin both scored the goal of a lifetime! Their victory was ugly from my side but to them, to God and to all of us one day when we get to see and maybe watch the "plays" over again; we will see every play, every pass and every step, run and crawl was PERFECT. I can only see the game and hear the bad calls from the stands at eye level but God can see it all from the best view around. I pray I keep Jesus "head coach"and that I look to him for which plays to run and which calls to make.Life is not just a game with points and either you get a trophy and bragging rights or you don't. No, with life the outcome is to be taken serious, it is either Heaven or Hell. Beauty and the sweet yet powerful presence with our Heavenly Father or fire with no end, no break and no way out with the demonic spirits that taunt us.

          I am so thankful Heaven was Allen and Justin's outcome and home now and will be mine as well. Without that hope and promise, each day would be basically impossible to get through. I will love and miss them forever but I know this is not the end and I pray that for each person that may stumble across this post that this will not be the end for you either. I pray that you join our team and win the victory of knowing Jesus Christ as your father and Lord. 
        To all of the amazing prayer warriors and sweet friends and family, Thank you so much for all you have done these last 5 years. Our families could not have made it through had you not all allowed God to use you to touch our hearts and offer comfort through such hard days. We love you all and are blessed beyond words to have so many great, supportive and uplifting people in our lives!

                                           

Love, 
Leslie

Saying "Yes" To More Than A Dress

     "The widow who is really in need and left alone puts her hope in God and continues  night and day to pray and to ask God for help"
       Today I am celebrating a very important day in my life. A day that I knew was special but never would have guessed just how special. Today in 2008 I made the second most important decision in my life! I said "Yes" to more than a dress. I said "yes", to a life of unknowns and a future beyond my thoughts. I said "yes" to ups and downs, tears and giggles. I said "yes" to a man that I will love forever and who had a heart of gold. Most importantly I said "yes", to my Lord, that I would trust Him alone with our marriage and that I would follow Him no matter the mountains or the valleys, no matter rain or shine.. Yes I made a vow for better or for worse... 
        While I had been a Christian for much of my life, my faith had never been put to the test. So on March 15, 2008 I took my first leap of faith with my best friend. Little did I know I had a lot more than a test headed my way. Honestly sometimes when I think about Justin and I getting married I picture us in Hawaii jumping off of rocks into the beautiful calm ocean, laughing like kids and just having a blast being together and being in love... Things are calm, the sun is shining and the water is beautiful for a while, then with no warning, out of nowhere a lightning storm comes in and a huge wave crashes over us, messing with our moment and messing with our story, pulling us under and leaving me on the rocks to dry out, alone. While this may seem like a strange vision to some, It's simply how I feel; 2 1/2 months is a blink and that is how fast life comes and things happen. It appears just long enough to have beautiful sweet moments and just long enough to break hearts. Now if the story ended there, with me on the rocks what kind of story would that be? Thankfully, we serve a God who never lets a story end with out some ray of hope and a raft to get back to shore. Yes, He throws a little more faith our way. Even when we are at our lowest, He whispers words to our heart and helps us believe things can always be better. I have to say sometimes (many times) it's not always easy to believe things can get better, but when the faith kicks in God starts doing His part... I would venture to say He starts doing His part with or without our faith, we just can't see it.    
           So today I think back on a day of joy, happiness, laughter and beauty. A day that I will never take for granted or regret. Some may ask if you knew it was going to go like that would you do it all over again, and once again I would say "Yes"even with the heart break and even with the disappointments. I try to put into words the way Justin was sometimes and you just have to know him to understand him. The lessons and things I learned during our 4 years together and 2 1/2 months of marriage where priceless.I saw what being an amazing friend really meant. I think back and still wonder how we managed to see so many people when we were home on the weekends. If he got a call in the middle of the night, he was never upset, he was honored to talk to his friends and I loved that. Most importantly I watched as God transformed his life and his entire being, from a fun, teenage boyfriend into a loving, God fearing husband. Beautiful, beautiful.... and now I can only imagine what he and Allen look like as they live in the presence of our Almighty Savior. To think he could transform us way down here on earth, I can't imagine what beauty looks like in the presence of the one true God...
        Fast forward about 4 months... burning up, windows down, I was on a bumpy bus ride in Costa Rica headed to help wherever I was needed. I was lost and looking for answers, searching the only thing I knew to search, our road map of life, the Bible. I was convinced if I could just think like Jesus a little more, if I could just learn to have His heart a little more, then maybe I would make it, maybe I would "hear" not just feel one verse of hope.. If you have ever been through anything similar you know that when your in the middle of hard times and your heart is broken, sometimes you just don't see, think or listen like you should. I firmly believe He still speaks during those times but I also believe that our obstacles can obstruct our view along with our ability to listen. So on a quest to read every chapter in mine and Justin's Bible that he had checked off (we had a daily Walk Bible my uncle Kevin had given us and it had a box you could check once you had read that day, I was reading everything he checked first). This day I was reading 1 Timothy. When I came to chapter 5, I began to see instructions for widows, and then I came to verse "5. The widow who is really in need and left all alone puts her hope in God and continues night and day to pray and to ask God for help." Had I been praying, Yes, but I so desperately needed that encouragement and that word from the Lord. I needed to hear and listen to Him say "Continue, don't stop, keep praying and keep putting your hope in me". Remember our relationship with the Lord is similar to any relationship; Who likes to keep talking if, no one is listening? So to read this scripture was like God said "Here is your raft Leslie, hold on to it because I'm pulling you out, it may not be easy and your going to get tierd but don't give up". I believe God has already done His part and now it is our job to listen first. We have to hear that knock on the door of our heart, and not just hear it but sincerely listen to God speak.. Just because I "hear" the TV going, does not mean I am always listening.. so we have to listen with our hearts and then we have to follow His instructions, get in His word and allow Him time to speak....
        So as most of my post go, I write things I need to "listen" to as well. =) With life so busy, this is a daily struggle. So on a day that brings back so much joy and that I said "Yes" to; I pray that you will say "Yes" to God as well and that you will allow Him to speak to your heart and trust that through those waves that crash down on us, there is a life boat and there are sunny days ahead, just keep holding on to the raft called faith. We can never figure life out and most times it does not go as we think it should. My life is much different than I envisioned it would be 5 years ago. I don't have a house full of kids, I am on a new journey and adventure that I never would have pictured myself on and yet I am still excited about the future. God has once more blessed me with an amazing husband, Blake, who I love so very much! I still trust my Lord and Savior with my life, I have just learned that He knows the plans for my life, I don't, so I should follow and let Him lead me... life is a lot better with "The Light" guiding your path! 

1 Timothy 6:12 -16
Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses. In the sight of God, who gives life to everything, and of Christ Jesus, who while testifying before Pontius Pilate made the good confession, I charge you to keep this command without spot or blame until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ, which God will bring about in his own time. God, the blessed and only Ruler, the King of kings and Lord or lords, who alone is immortal and who lives in unapproachable light, whom no one has seen or can see. To him be honor and might forever. Amen.

With love, 

Leslie

My Life As An Army Wife

           I'm just going to start off by saying I am so ready for some WARM and SUNNY weather! The last few months have been so nasty which make my attitude and view on life somehow not the best in the world as well. I told someone the other day, the last few months I have felt so blah. I don't know what the deal has been. Blake and I had stayed up here at Fort Rucker, more than we normally do and as silly as it sounds I have been getting a little homesick. You see the one thing about Fort Rucker and flight school that I have came to love the LEAST is that the people come through here so fast and stay so busy that before you know it they are leaving , heading to their next duty station and you don't ever really get a chance to say goodbye. For many this is normal to them and a way of life that they find adventurous and exciting, for a born and raised southern girl who loves people, friendships and relationships this way of life at first seem straight up depressing and lonely. To make friends only to know you will have to leave them and to form relationships only to know it may only last a few months, weeks or days has honestly been a hard concept for me to accept. If I were to be honest, it all has been a little overwhelming and has caused me to stand off more than I normally would. Why make all these friends just for them to have to leave? Well, as always God teaches us things and if I can say anything about 2011-2013 they have been years of learning! You see God has stretched me and made me get out of my comfort zone. I  have never realized I really had a "comfort zone" so to speak. I get along with almost anyone and I would consider myself comfortable in my own skin, all except when it came to one thing, and that was when it came to military things. I will never know what my hang up was and why I was so nervous about living around a military post or even driving on post. It honestly is the craziest thing. Please don't misunderstand me, I have always had a love and strong support for our service men and women but to be a part of them and living in the middle of it all was a little intimidating. It may have to do with the fact that I had never been around military that much and I had always heard the stereo type things like how hard of a lifestyle it was or how hard nose some people could be, partly because they had actually seen so much bad. I want to make it clear how terribly WRONG my thinking was! I still don't know who ingrained that thinking in me and where it came from. 

        Blake and I moved up here and I was so nervous to go anywhere on post, I thought if I went 1 mile over the speed limit they were going to pull me over and yell at me and take my driving privileges away. While I have heard this could happen it is honestly VERY rare. I was nervous about the people we would be around and worried we would never make any good Christian friends. I was worried Blake may not have a ton of friends because he doesn't drink and party. I was worried we weren't ever going to find a church to attend up here; with all this worrying, no wonder I developed an autoimmune problem! These thoughts were not of God and they were not accurate at all!

          We lived in a small apartment and welcomed our new addition, Hawk (our boxer) into our family as soon as we moved here. Although potty training was the pits, getting him was one of the best things we could have done. I was able to stay busy and occupy some of my time since my health started off so sketchy when we moved; now Hawk and Weatherby (our Bichon) have really been a woman's best friend =)  When we finally got somewhat settled and my health improved I signed up for bootcamp  it was full but I soon got a call from the trainer that they had a space opened up, I was so excited! At this point we had been here for probably 5 months and I really didn't have many friends. (pathetic, I know and not like me at all). I went at 6:30 every morning and ran, rucked, crawled, got muddy and had a blast while burning tons of calories with a fine group of ladies and an awesome trainer. I'm sure Kris will never know how much that phone call meant to me and neither did I at the time but looking back I formed some of the sweetest friendships and it was so nice to even just talk to other girls, most of which were flight school wives just like me. When bootcamp ended I even worked at the gym here on post some, teaching classes and working with an amazing group of ladies. Sadly, life got too busy and I soon had to stop, building the house in Mobile and everything else going on was just too much all at one time; however I do believe although I was teaching classes, I learned more from the wonderful people that came to class and the awesome group of people I worked with than I could ever have imagined!

            I  don't really know why I ever worried about Blake making friends, he has a ton of friends up here. He is such a great guy and he really had an awesome class to start with. I love the guys and girls he had in his class and they were so much fun! They were not what I pictured at all and they honestly respected our beliefs and choices more than many of our friends at home do. Although almost all of them have moved already, they still text and call Blake all the time. I remember when I saw the unity and family from the life of military when we moved from our apartment into a house on post. All these guys and one of the wives that we hardly knew at the time showed up in the rain to help us move. They loaded their cars and made trips back and forth with our stuff. The pizza I had for them was nothing compared to what a help they were, and I can never repay them for that. Although people move from place to place I learned that I no longer look at it as if they are "leaving", I simply look at it like we have friends all over the world now, and could almost see friends on every vacation we take! Thank goodness for social media, that helps us all stay connected. 

          We finally found an amazing church that I am so thankful for. The atmosphere is just like a family, the worship music and time is great and the sermons are always something I need to hear. Blake and I have now joined a marriage small group and it's so awesome how God works. Most of the group is military as well and our group leader is a chinook IP so Blake got to fly with him the other night. Our first meeting with our group was amazing, we answered questions about ourselves and our marriage that for some reason Blake and I had not really talked about, nothing serious yet, just sweet things. I'm so excited about this group and so sad at the same time because we won't get to go through the entire study with them.

          Blake came up here to go through the Black Hawk course for the Mobile/Montgomery NG Unit. Well... a little while after being here he received a call that they were going to have to switch him to the Birmingham NG Unit to fly Chinooks. The reason being there is a deployment coming up and they have to take so many LT's. Let me just say this little Army wife was not a happy camper. I knew people in his other unit, they had just gotten back from a deployment so it would be a while before they went back and it was in Mobile.. Why on earth would they switch him? Not to mention there was a guy behind him that was from Birmingham that could take this spot...I'll never forget the first time Blake really mentioned the big "D" word (deployment), huge tears came to my eyes and I just could not understand what was going on! Yes, I knew he was in the Army when I married him but I was in denial about the fact he may ever have to leave! So here I am again with a choice, to trust or not to trust, to love and live or to live in fear and worry, to have faith that I serve a mighty God who knows our future and has a our very life in his hands no matter where in this world we are, or to allow Satan to pull me down and fill me with doubt... I often ask God "when will things ever get back to "normal" or calm down". Do you ever just feel like you can't get a break? Well I am one friend that understands! While I can question God all I want, I know He has the answer and my human mind can not understand what He is putting together. So I decide once more to trust, to love and live while placing my fears and worries in Gods hands and I dig in the word a little more to build up my faith that I serve a mighty God who will not fail me! 
          I also believe God has used other army wives to teach me a thing or thousand. I want to first say that these army wives (not me) but the ones who have been through it all, are the real deal! I am amazed by their strength. Here I am complaining about the "thought" of a 9 month deployment and yes, praying against it, that he won't go; and they have had children while their husbands were deployed  for 14 months. Not just one deployment but multiple deployments, and not just one kid but multiple kids! They have traveled the world and left their families and instead of complaining about it, they offer comfort to me. (which makes me feel like such a wimp!) I still have so much to learn but I am honestly so thankful God has given us this opportunity while we have been here at Fort Rucker. Not to mention these women are like turbo women and moms, with all their babies! It's inspiring and I love that they love their husbands and  families so much. I love how many women in the military have tons of children! I said the entire time while we were at Rucker that I needed a kid to fit in because there seemed to be a double stroller every 100 feet around this place!!

           Things are winding down for flight school (so we think, but then again it is the Army and anything is possible lol) Blake is flying nights right now and he has excelled in everything! I am honestly so proud of him and all that he has accomplished and stood for. He has not lowered his standards and while he worries he put flight school too high on his priority list, I have never seen it because he has been attentive and faithful to me. He has remained a spiritual leader and I could not ask for anything more. He has been a gift to me and I'm just so blessed to be a part of this adventure. He has two more weeks of flying nights and is scheduled to graduate very soon. I can't imagine how excited he will be when that day finally gets here! I have no clue what the future holds for Blake and I but I just have a good, positive feeling about what God is doing in our lives! I stopped trying to plan so much and now let God take care of my life calendar, although I would like to think that in a couple of years he will have parenting humans and not just our dogs in store for us! Rather it be our biological child or a child that needs a mommy and daddy from the states/another country or God willing both biological and adopted;however He sees fit, God knows the desire of our hearts and really only He knows all of those details and the plan. Blake and I have learned so much about each other as we have had to try to figure life out (which is not possible by the way). We have had a blast together and are each others best friends, which is really fun! I say it all the time, but who knows what the future holds for us or anyone, we just take it one day at a time, and do our best to keep our focus on HIM!

 God Bless and Love, Leslie

The "Battle" has a new name, "Miles in the Middle"

          I just wanted to make a quick update post. I have been praying for some time for what name to give this blog. "The Battle" is truly how I felt when I first started blogging as my life is and was I felt a battle. We all are in a constant battle for our soul, ect.. I; however, have not been content with that name. I'm on the road much more than I would have ever chosen and if you read my post you can probably sense that much of my time with God is spent in my car, on the road, running up the miles in the middle of my destinations.
         On my way back to Fort Rucker yesterday, burning up those highways and back county roads, with my little side kick Weatherby (my dog); I was praying as I always do about which direction I should take, and that God would give me a name for this blog that would help with which ever direction he decides to take me down. I wanted a name that would not be down and depressing as the word "Battle" seems to be when I think of it but I also wanted something that would open the door for me to write on multiple things in life. As some of you may or may not know I'm extremely into fitness and athletics. Most of my life growing up my days consisted of, basketball, volleyball, track and in the good ole days, softball. I played as long as I can remember through school and I could write hundreds of post on the life lessons that I learned from sports. I love the team, the game and the dedication I learned. I love getting along and working with people and pushing through to a goal, to a win. Once I started college, I decided to leave my sports in high school and move to other things.
       Having a track history, I took up running and became a fitness instructor, teach spinning and core classes. I ran my first and only (as of right now)marathon with my Uncle Kevin in Disney World not long after I had moved back home. When thinking about those long runs, and workouts, the start is important yes, the finish is very important, but it's whats in the middle that determines how you finish. It's those miles in the middle that the bear jumps on your back and you either decide to push through and finish or stop and give up. To me life is much like this. There are so many things that go on between life and death that determine so much of our destiny. I remember Pastor Jerry Lawson speaking at the funeral of Allen and Justin and he said it's ""The Dash" that matters, the dash you see on a headstone between a birth date and a death date; it's what did we do in those years, in that dash that counts?"
        So in thinking of many things, I have decided to change this blog name to "Miles in the Middle" for now. Who knows I might leave it like this forever, or I might decide to change it again!=) Please share and continue to feel free to stop by and read any time as we discuss, those life lesson, hard times and good times we find ourselves in during the Miles in the Middle. Enjoy!