“I will exalt you, you are my God. My hiding place my safe refuge, my treasure Lord you are, my friend and king, anointed one, most Holy”. “The wonder of your love will break the chains that bind us, the power of your touch releases us to worship, sing unto God. Sing hallelujah, with all we are we will worship You.” These words are anointed and sung by the wonderful group Hillsong. The power of worship is amazing. I never truly understood the power in praise until I could not do anything else. It was the lowest place I have ever been in my life and when I think back on that day and the emotions that I felt, I know even more that it is only by the power of God that I am able to live. It was the funeral of two great men in my life. Holding my sister in laws hand, we walked down the same aisle that we both had walked down just months before to give our hearts to the men of our life. Now, gasping for air we walked as if going to battle, back down that aisle to celebrate those two same wonderful men we fell so in love with. The spirit of God was like a blanket that came and lay over every person in that church. My uncle was singing a song that had been prepared but never sang, the words were beautiful; “ You awaken my heart from slumbering, you lead me in mourning and you speak to my grief… I trust that every moments in your hands, You’re the God of my days, King of my nights, Lord of my laughter, Sovereign in sorrow, You’re the Prince of praise, the love of my life, You never leave me, You are faithful, God of my days. My eyes are You, my hope is in You, my faith is in You.” As we sang this song it was truly a cry for help, although I believed those words with everything in me, I was not strong enough to pray them much less think of them myself.
When I fully submitted to God and recognized the power of His mighty hand I simply closed my eyes and all I could do was cry.. God knew my heart, He knew that if I had the strength to say those words I would, but as I listened to them, I grew stronger. I began to realize that I had no other choice but to trust that EVERY moment, happy or sad was in His hands. I knew that He was truly sovereign through my sorrow and that He would NEVER leave me. No longer were my eyes on my problems but my eyes, hope and faith were on Him, and by that, they were on His will, His plan for my life, His purpose and His eternal love. To have faith when your world is shattered feels like your standing in the middle of a war zone with blinders on. It doesn’t make sense to anyone and most of the times not even to ourselves; however, God puts’ His spirit in us when we come to Him and He gives us the strength.
As I began to believe these words I lifted my hands and sang to Him with everything in me. The burden I was carrying was lifted off of me like a ton of bricks, the worry I had was no longer mine, I was in full submission to God. I recognized I was too weak to make it on my own and that I didn’t know what was going on or how He could allow this to happen to my family; but by putting my thoughts aside and giving it to God my life has been changed. It has allowed Him to use his spirit to speak to me when other times I get too busy to listen.
Four days later I was standing in a high school auditorium waiting to speak, as we sang the words “I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on and there will be an end to these struggles but until that day comes, still I will praise You, still I will praise You! Singing, Oh no. You never let go through the calm and through the storm, oh no You never let go, every high and every low, oh no You never let go, Lord You never let go of me”. I once again came back to that same spirit of worship. As I stood there I thought about all of my plans, all of the things Justin and I was planning to do and had done. I thought about Allen and his plans and all the times we had shared together, then I thought about Gods plans. I thought about how I can never go to the beach with them again and how I can never go hunting or to the movies or to get ice cream with either of them, ever again. Then so clear I heard “ but Leslie you can still worship with them,” if you cant do anything else with them, what better thing to do than come into our Lords presence and join with them to worship.
Every time I hear those words I picture Justin sitting on our couch in our tiny apartment singing that song and just worshipping with a smile on his face, right there in our living room. And every time I think about it my heart gets so full. So to me praise has taken on a new meaning. I do not believe it’s simply just an act or something we are suppose to do, but for me it is a means of survival. Still to this day it is my air when I’m drowning. I still have those awful days, not sure if they ever go away. I have my moments when all I do is cry and I know what I need to do. I get in my car, most of the time it is my "alone place", blare my worship music and sing and praise God, as He draws me into His sweet spirit I begin to cry because I am so unworthy but at the same time I am so thankful he knows exactly how to speak to my soul. I let the Lord take me in, where I can feel His embrace and get completely lost in Him. I cry and sometimes even as I sing I believe that the devil would like nothing more than to make my speakers bust or to let the phone ring. Sometimes, we have to turn the speaker down and WE have to sing louder. I sing sometimes in a way that I’m proving the devil wrong. When we praise, the devil can’t stand it, He gets furious because he realizes he has not won. The devil tries his best to hurt us, make us mad at God, and to make us turn our backs on Him, but when we don’t and we still remain faithful it drives him crazy. When you finally get to that place where the world could be falling down around you, but you want to stay right where you are because you do not want to lose that spirit and comfort God provides; It is amazing and that is where the healing takes place, that is where God is able to come in and clear our minds and speak to us. Many times it may feel like we are in a marathon for our life, but just know that He is there to be our water, our strength and one day when we cross that finish line He will be right there cheering us on, saying “WELL DONE ” and I even imagine a big high five!
Four days later I was standing in a high school auditorium waiting to speak, as we sang the words “I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on and there will be an end to these struggles but until that day comes, still I will praise You, still I will praise You! Singing, Oh no. You never let go through the calm and through the storm, oh no You never let go, every high and every low, oh no You never let go, Lord You never let go of me”. I once again came back to that same spirit of worship. As I stood there I thought about all of my plans, all of the things Justin and I was planning to do and had done. I thought about Allen and his plans and all the times we had shared together, then I thought about Gods plans. I thought about how I can never go to the beach with them again and how I can never go hunting or to the movies or to get ice cream with either of them, ever again. Then so clear I heard “ but Leslie you can still worship with them,” if you cant do anything else with them, what better thing to do than come into our Lords presence and join with them to worship.
Every time I hear those words I picture Justin sitting on our couch in our tiny apartment singing that song and just worshipping with a smile on his face, right there in our living room. And every time I think about it my heart gets so full. So to me praise has taken on a new meaning. I do not believe it’s simply just an act or something we are suppose to do, but for me it is a means of survival. Still to this day it is my air when I’m drowning. I still have those awful days, not sure if they ever go away. I have my moments when all I do is cry and I know what I need to do. I get in my car, most of the time it is my "alone place", blare my worship music and sing and praise God, as He draws me into His sweet spirit I begin to cry because I am so unworthy but at the same time I am so thankful he knows exactly how to speak to my soul. I let the Lord take me in, where I can feel His embrace and get completely lost in Him. I cry and sometimes even as I sing I believe that the devil would like nothing more than to make my speakers bust or to let the phone ring. Sometimes, we have to turn the speaker down and WE have to sing louder. I sing sometimes in a way that I’m proving the devil wrong. When we praise, the devil can’t stand it, He gets furious because he realizes he has not won. The devil tries his best to hurt us, make us mad at God, and to make us turn our backs on Him, but when we don’t and we still remain faithful it drives him crazy. When you finally get to that place where the world could be falling down around you, but you want to stay right where you are because you do not want to lose that spirit and comfort God provides; It is amazing and that is where the healing takes place, that is where God is able to come in and clear our minds and speak to us. Many times it may feel like we are in a marathon for our life, but just know that He is there to be our water, our strength and one day when we cross that finish line He will be right there cheering us on, saying “WELL DONE ” and I even imagine a big high five!
" May God himself, The God who makes everything holy and whole, make you holy and whole, put you together-spirit, soul, and body- and keep you fit for the coming of our Master, Jesus Christ."
1 Thessalonians 5:23 MSG
1 Thessalonians 5:23 MSG
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